so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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