Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
