Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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