you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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