using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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