He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
