My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Let's get the cat blown out
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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