could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
