Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize