i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
