onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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