he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
