He uses pillows to masturbate.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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