Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
