the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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