i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
