If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
