why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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