I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
