he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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