you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
