he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
