He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
