i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
