I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
