I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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