Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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