fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I cockslap morals
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she peed on how many people?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
