On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
