You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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