Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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