i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My feet surprised me
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
