Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
