when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
