im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
