And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
