His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
