I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
