I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
