Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
