when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Drunk is not a location!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
