It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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