I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
