NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
