A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
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