glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
