so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
