So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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