i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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