If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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