is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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