no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
