so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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