I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
