he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
