He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
