You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
