I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
