I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
