Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
