I looked at my own cervix.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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