Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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