I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
