At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
