My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
