don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
