using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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