i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
