I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
